LA County Resident: "Told you we were due for a quake"

by: Erica Bianco, 11:35 am PST
Comedy Hub Earthquake Desk

Marina Del Rey resident Bill Parsons has been warning neighbors and friends for the past 10 years about his belief that 'we are just about due for another earthquake'. After this morning's 5.8 quake centered in Chino Hills, CA, Mr. Parsons has a lot of 'I told ya so's' to hand out along with his Route 16e mail route that he has been servicing for the past 36 years.

"I wouldn't say that I warn people on a daily basis about the next quake", Parsons admits, "but damn close to it". Parson's study of plate tectonics is not the result of any formal education or research, instead Parsons describes his ability to forecast random events with random accuracy as a 'combination of street smarts and a tingle in his left elbow'.

"The elbow is the main thing; it's been sore for 10 years... I am sorry to say that all indications point to another quake in the very near future", warns Parsons.

Some Route 16e mail customers are not convinced or happy about Parson's warnings that can be found on his new blog:
www.iwasabsolutelyrightabouttheearthquake.blogspot.com. Tim Schofield is one of Parsons many daily stops, "He comes in here every day, year after year, claiming that the Cubs will definitely do it this year or today may be the day that we find the WMD's" says Schofield, "I'm so sick of his bullshit I want to hit him over the head with a shovel... but this time that Son of a bitch nailed it; he was dead right about this earthquake that he has been warning us about for 106 straight months".

Parson's recent success in earthquake forecasting has drawn some additional attention to the rest of his 2008 picks. He is certain of an Al Gore presidency, that the Chinamen are going to pull something during the Olympic Games, and that LA Sparks forward Candice Parker is a lesbian.